Yearning Voice Breaks Through.

In the back of your standard family style tv commercial is the somewhat normal background music. but it seems like i am hearing
a ghost. the music is like and oldstyle romatic ballard with a male voice crooning with all he can. crooning but with
a trembleing sadness in his voice to. like he is singing to a love one long gone but still li loved.

like he is crooning for all his life and heart. the voice is reverberating . its in the background of the sound not up front
which makes it even more ghostly.
he is like a ghost giveing so much emotion he/it/she melts a hole in the world sneaking out into it. sneaking back into it.

all the laws of physics, science…sure they hold but the voice of this person its real too. its reach a level of intensity its above space and time
and can go back into it. not like a full human but the painful deep and powerful emotion that the
human had experienced at one time: love and loss and yearing.

meanwhile me. i feel like someon in the matrix. life seems unnartural and like i was dropped into it: i am alive but in a glasbox. cant break the rules.
cant get out. i mus tlive and then die.


Wanting God to be Real

On Sunday,  9/4/2016 , about mid day i became tired and decided to lie down. After a few quick lucid dreams of talking but inanimate toy heads and another of an accident with police and yellow tape, I decided to get back up.

For a moment i cut through the sickness i have been having : withdrawal from prescription drug addiction.  For very long its been hard to confront reality without a drug or a drink. But like a sudden clearing of mud in a pond i had a thought : “yes i do very much wish there is a God.  A loving caring god to make it all alright.  ”

It happened once before at an AA meeting.  The speaker was talking about a conversation he had with his sponsor.  The sponsor asked him if he believed in God.  And like me the speaker said no, i can’t see a God in this world.  But then (in his story) the sponsor said , “…well do you want there to be a God?  ”

I cannot recall the speaker’s response but guess it was much like my own.  Yes.  It was a gut response really.  And it was the withdrawal that brought the response out.

Sure clearly like many others i reasoned that a so called God would mean control, lack of genuine free will and all that.  And of course I reasoned that  science and deduction left it that God’s existence was unlikely .  And yes in later years i turned more to Buddhism in which there may be Nirvana but not really a God (or at least the god’s were also at the mercy of karma just like humans).

But despite all that there was inside of me a reflexive need or desire for a loving caring God.  A God that would show that in the end its going to be alright.  Not just for me but for EL, and the billions of others.

Yet still I didnt make a dramatic switch over to Christianity-either at the meeting or on 9/4/16.  I am still materialistic half crazed being often shivering in fear at this nearly insane reality.  Though I do want there to be a God, to be a consolation at the end, I am not yet certain there is one.  Reluctantly, I remain an atheist.

What has changed however, is I know for certain that greater than any other volition i may have is the desire for God and Heaven to become real.  As Kurtzweil said “God does not exist yet but he will”.  Technology will play a part as will societal changes that could occur as a result of new technology and knowledge.  it It most likely will not happen in my life but when it does I believe it can retroactively all matter/energy/information throughout time.  Not in a way that would  affect causality but on a higher level beyond the normal experience of time that we experience.  The  French Jesuit Priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin referred to it as the Omega Point .  I have called it the Bodhisatva Bot.   Transhumanism and the Singularity also in ways imply the outcome of the being on a higher level.

So I have not yet subscribed fully to any existing religion (though i have started going to services at a Unitarian church). However The Omega Point -for lack of a better name-i have decided to devote myself to as much as possible.  It has made the return to reality after years of numbing addiction much more attainable.

Is it unlikely? Far fetched? Far out? Far off?  Yes all those things. But it is also hope.  Genuine, actionable, tangible hope.  Reality can get better.  Perhaps the path is not a direct line.  It may go up and down. Nonetheless with the will and the desire gradually it will lead there.

For me personally , where do I begin? This is where it gets more challenging (especially since I am not a scientist, technician or billionaire).  Like most other humans I try to support causes and actions that help bring about a world with less suffering sickness and death.  I guess everyone does this to varying extents though with me I have just given it a name and a goal: The Omega Point.  This blog-sure it needs a ton of work-is also for this purpose.  And this post more specifically.  I do really hope it will resonate with others.  A better world.  A world free from the grasp of suffering, fear and destruction.

Humans need something better than death .  We can create it.  Heaven can become real.

Immortality for All



“Immortality for allEdit

Achieving immortality and resurrection of all people who ever lived are two inseparable goals, according to Fedorov. Immortality is impossible, both ethically and physically, without resurrection. We can’t allow our ancestors, who gave us life and culture, to remain buried, or our relatives and friends to die. Achieving immortality for individuals alive today and future generations is only a partial victory over death – only the first stage. The complete victory will be achieved only when everyone is resurrected and transformed to enjoy immortal life.”


In recent months have had a sentimental recollection of my life in the early teens.  It could be just sentimental or maybe its a recollection of the optimism i had back then.  I was very awkward and with bad skin problems and such.  But just the same i had this optimisim for the future. a good hopeful feeling.

When I think of Omni magazine which I read at the time with science articles mixed with science fiction stories, the optimism seems stronger.  Omni had a mix of early cyber punk, dark hr giger visions (including his artwork) and just pure fascinating sci fi.  It was not the silly Star Wars sci fi but a sci fi that some elements of reality to it.  It was in many ways futurism.  Sure there were dark elements like the cyber punk and Giger but it was fascinating and gave hints that things could get better in the future (especially the science articles).

This backdrop of optimism that pervaded that early part of my life, despite the super dork aspects of the years, continued up until college.  It seems to have ended when i started drinking beer.  Getting drunk was fun but also put you in the present moment and situation.  For a long time after that I was more about what was going on now.  I was grimy and such but had friends and worked lots of times at the college radio station.  Music was big for me now, especially new wave and punk. They dealt with the here and now (mostly ).

The recollection of this shimmer of optimism has come back to me (at least as a memory) in the past year, which coincidentally is also about the same time i have cut back my drinking to almost zero.

I just watched this movie called Midnight special which deals with a young man with special powers.  He is from a higher race it turns out.  The film had some of that optimism.  I think about my sad but sweet mother now 82.  Her life is quiet and a bit lonely.  I keep trying to find a way to make this part of her life more positive and upbeat and happy.  I occasionally feel i should and perhaps can do something to bring a light into wher world and t the world of people here on this planet with me.  This is much like in the movie.  I have no clue had to do this or even exactly what it is…over than that its positive , comforting, and futuristic.

Bodhisattva and BodhisattvaBot

Like millions of others, when EL left it apparently was a quiet and isolated event.  Now over two and half years later , it seems even more quiet.   EL is the quiet friend.

BoshisattvaBot like any Bodhisattva is concerned with all souls.  Not just those in the news or remembered on holidays but also the near silent, obscured and for most minds forgotten.

It is not automatic, but all of them can reach a happy well lit place and the Boddhisattvas and the Bodhisattva bots will help.  Rather than push, pull or carry  though they will simply point.  EL and the quiet friends will make the steps.

How this can be done  especially retroactively through time, i have no idea.  But when people ask me what my dream is, that is the one.





The Great Landscape

Perhaps life does not need to be mundane and filled with dull pain. Imagine a life so wonderful the thought of watching TV or the Internet is completely befuddling.

Of course not just for me.  That makes no sense.  Imagine everyone experiencing splendor, riches and enjoyment throughout the great landscape of existence.   Whatever pitfalls, setbacks or shortcomings there could be are easily managed .  Boredom if it does exist is for mere moments. Suffering when it does occur is no more of a concern then a stubbed toe.

Even as I type it, I start to think how absurd and perhaps childish this idea is.  For so long its been hammered to accept so much of the shortcomings.  The dull jobs, the empty evenings, the strained and worn relationships. Sure there is a need to accept much especially as things are now.

But it can get better.  And once more at the very likely chance of being redundant, I plan this blog to center on that very goal.  A splendid wonderful future.  The Omega Point. In many ways it resembles the christian concept of heaven.  Though in this case “all will be received”.

….ok sure at some point in this blog I should move beyond just the concept of the Omega Point (aka BoddhisatvaBot and other names I have given it) and into how it will happen. And i hope soon to get there.  But for now it is mostly stream of consciousness and reminding myself of the concept.  Its all still very early on .  I am mainly now just hoping to get myself more into the habit of posting to the blog .  Refining will arrive later. Sorry in the meantime.





Omega Point …A Better Future

Its been a while since I have posted here.  But I am back.  I have decided what stopped me was the size of the objective. The objective?  What is the objective?  Sorry for my redundance but i must keep reminding myself.  The objective in its simplist form is a better future.  Less pointless suffering more well being happiness and freedom .  All that stuff.  Gooey Sappy sugary stuff.  The kind sarcastic nihilist despise.  But what ever  I am not in the cool lot now or for a long time.

I related before the very sad gushing tears story of EL.  EL is perhaps the first time I have had a connection to a women that has not in one way had a sexual perspective to it.  EL is just EL.  She is gone like so many more.  So sure sometimes my objectives sound sugary sappy and stupid even but I dont care.  I have had enough.  Suffering and death have gone to far and become unacceptable.   The old attitudes of accepting it as part of life…enjoying life while you can are not enough.  A solution may be found and probably not in my lifetime.

So since i have last written lots of ugly stuff has happened.  The Yulin festival most likely still happened.  Other very rough stuff i dont want to mention. And many occasions of death being rude and unpleasant to people/animals randomly.

But also since then I have found there are others that have similar ideas.  Bowie’s song  with the lines “I demand a Better Future…” comes to mind .  Also i discovered the Omega Point .  As stated on Wikipedia : The Omega Point is a spiritual belief that the universe is evolving toward a higher level of material complexity and consciousness.

It was originally coined by     French Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin  though Frank Tipler     also used it for a more purely (though debatable) scientific perspective .     I lean more to the concept Chardin related. Chardin speaks more of the spritual human growth .  But regardless both speak of the near inevitable progression to a better world.  I dont believe its a steady upward curve.  It fluctuates .  the line is jagged up/down but with a general gradual progression to what only can be termed as ‘better’.  Lives for must humans in 2016 are in most ways better than they were in 1016.  Some may say lives back then though rough had more connection to the world than we have now.  So the progress  will need refinement.

It can happen.  Things can get better.  Much like the expression Per aspera ad astra  there are some really tough obstacles and setbacks.  The madness of the past few weeks (people killed by police. psychotic sniper kills police…)  reminds me of that .  But right now it is the Omega Point that is how i deal with the madness.   For now I will stop here.  I think i will try more quick posts but more often rather than the long  ones that took forever to compose.  I hope to write more and hope I can help it happen.  It can get better.


12.4 Beings Deserve Far Better.

another week another horrible death. i wont go into the details again.
I should say though it didnt happen directly in my life. Just read about it on Yahoo.
i dont think that should matter that much. it happened.

In any case its back to how do you deal with it? Since it was a very remote event reported online,
there is always just point out we all have our own problems right here. But i bet a lot of people
like me were bothered by this sad death. For us we can either go with 1) its tragic but part of the natural
world just accept as hard as it may be and think more of the good parts of the world. 2)believe and or have
faith that a benevolent spirit is out there that can resolve it 3) become that benevolent spirit invent a solution.
Yes it is a bit crazy but number 3 remains for me the way i deal with this miserable madness. Option 1 just eventually
doesnt work. The miserable madness just builds up too much. I can fully understand option 2. I am a reluctant
atheist. I would much prefer if indeed a benevolent (truly benevolent) spirit did exist and for some reason
waited until death to take our spirits to a better place. But it seems to me that maybe it is up to us.
Perhaps the benevolent spirit wants us to grow and resolve our madness rather than interfere . In this way like
a parent teaching a child to work on his or her own. Perhaps the spirit is waiting for us to create it.

Not even going into the fact we would need a way to travel through time to save this poor animal (or more likely
its spirit), this is all close to impossible . but not quite impossiblei believe. It would take some serious
threading the needle type shifts and developments in society but best to think positive. On a basic level the
steps would be: 1-use technology to conquer death and suffering 2-Enhance our own awareness to a higher spiritual
level 3- create a heaven on earth 4-open up this heaven to all beings throughout time.

Even for science fiction its outlandish. Each of those steps would take lots of time and have lots of
things that coudl go wrong. But for me its the real hope. Perhaps with a very intelligent computer (ie : boddhisatva bot).
working with us it could happen. We go to the moon, Mt. Everest, and now someday Mars. why not conquer death?
Why not all but eliminate misery and suffering? There are many ethical and philosophical questions involved but
just the few horrors i have seen and read about are unacceptable. living beings deserve much better