On Sunday, 9/4/2016 , about mid day i became tired and decided to lie down. After a few quick lucid dreams of talking but inanimate toy heads and another of an accident with police and yellow tape, I decided to get back up.
For a moment i cut through the sickness i have been having : withdrawal from prescription drug addiction. For very long its been hard to confront reality without a drug or a drink. But like a sudden clearing of mud in a pond i had a thought : “yes i do very much wish there is a God. A loving caring god to make it all alright. ”
It happened once before at an AA meeting. The speaker was talking about a conversation he had with his sponsor. The sponsor asked him if he believed in God. And like me the speaker said no, i can’t see a God in this world. But then (in his story) the sponsor said , “…well do you want there to be a God? ”
I cannot recall the speaker’s response but guess it was much like my own. Yes. It was a gut response really. And it was the withdrawal that brought the response out.
Sure clearly like many others i reasoned that a so called God would mean control, lack of genuine free will and all that. And of course I reasoned that science and deduction left it that God’s existence was unlikely . And yes in later years i turned more to Buddhism in which there may be Nirvana but not really a God (or at least the god’s were also at the mercy of karma just like humans).
But despite all that there was inside of me a reflexive need or desire for a loving caring God. A God that would show that in the end its going to be alright. Not just for me but for EL, and the billions of others.
Yet still I didnt make a dramatic switch over to Christianity-either at the meeting or on 9/4/16. I am still materialistic half crazed being often shivering in fear at this nearly insane reality. Though I do want there to be a God, to be a consolation at the end, I am not yet certain there is one. Reluctantly, I remain an atheist.
What has changed however, is I know for certain that greater than any other volition i may have is the desire for God and Heaven to become real. As Kurtzweil said “God does not exist yet but he will”. Technology will play a part as will societal changes that could occur as a result of new technology and knowledge. it It most likely will not happen in my life but when it does I believe it can retroactively all matter/energy/information throughout time. Not in a way that would affect causality but on a higher level beyond the normal experience of time that we experience. The French Jesuit Priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin referred to it as the Omega Point . I have called it the Bodhisatva Bot. Transhumanism and the Singularity also in ways imply the outcome of the being on a higher level.
So I have not yet subscribed fully to any existing religion (though i have started going to services at a Unitarian church). However The Omega Point -for lack of a better name-i have decided to devote myself to as much as possible. It has made the return to reality after years of numbing addiction much more attainable.
Is it unlikely? Far fetched? Far out? Far off? Yes all those things. But it is also hope. Genuine, actionable, tangible hope. Reality can get better. Perhaps the path is not a direct line. It may go up and down. Nonetheless with the will and the desire gradually it will lead there.
For me personally , where do I begin? This is where it gets more challenging (especially since I am not a scientist, technician or billionaire). Like most other humans I try to support causes and actions that help bring about a world with less suffering sickness and death. I guess everyone does this to varying extents though with me I have just given it a name and a goal: The Omega Point. This blog-sure it needs a ton of work-is also for this purpose. And this post more specifically. I do really hope it will resonate with others. A better world. A world free from the grasp of suffering, fear and destruction.
Humans need something better than death . We can create it. Heaven can become real.