In recent months have had a sentimental recollection of my life in the early teens.  It could be just sentimental or maybe its a recollection of the optimism i had back then.  I was very awkward and with bad skin problems and such.  But just the same i had this optimisim for the future. a good hopeful feeling.

When I think of Omni magazine which I read at the time with science articles mixed with science fiction stories, the optimism seems stronger.  Omni had a mix of early cyber punk, dark hr giger visions (including his artwork) and just pure fascinating sci fi.  It was not the silly Star Wars sci fi but a sci fi that some elements of reality to it.  It was in many ways futurism.  Sure there were dark elements like the cyber punk and Giger but it was fascinating and gave hints that things could get better in the future (especially the science articles).

This backdrop of optimism that pervaded that early part of my life, despite the super dork aspects of the years, continued up until college.  It seems to have ended when i started drinking beer.  Getting drunk was fun but also put you in the present moment and situation.  For a long time after that I was more about what was going on now.  I was grimy and such but had friends and worked lots of times at the college radio station.  Music was big for me now, especially new wave and punk. They dealt with the here and now (mostly ).

The recollection of this shimmer of optimism has come back to me (at least as a memory) in the past year, which coincidentally is also about the same time i have cut back my drinking to almost zero.

I just watched this movie called Midnight special which deals with a young man with special powers.  He is from a higher race it turns out.  The film had some of that optimism.  I think about my sad but sweet mother now 82.  Her life is quiet and a bit lonely.  I keep trying to find a way to make this part of her life more positive and upbeat and happy.  I occasionally feel i should and perhaps can do something to bring a light into wher world and t the world of people here on this planet with me.  This is much like in the movie.  I have no clue had to do this or even exactly what it is…over than that its positive , comforting, and futuristic.


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