7-EL Revisited (1/10/16 )

Its been a month almost now since i  had become obsessed with EL’s “passing”.    As expected to some extent the gloom and sadness are more faint.  I guess this was coping option 1 where time just heals.

I expected that like i did with other fellow humans “passing”.   I also expected i may give up on option 3, the tech solution if you will.  Well not yet.   I avoided this blog for the stress of it all .  Last few weeks were stressful (mainly as i was running low on ativan.  This week i got a refill so have a few extra at the start).

I find myself wanting to talk to her, which is very strange as i didnt know her at all.  Plus i didnt have this with my father or not as much with my dog eno.  I dont want to talk with her for too long.  Just enough to see she is safe and …better.   Then let her go  and go on with my own pursuits.

I see aspects in the news, in conversations and such that make the bodhibot less likley.   It is a long shot but still worth fleshing out and developing .   Its not a comfort the faith in the afterlife could be.  I guess it should be regarded that much as comfort for the living as a pledge for the dead.

A few times now have seens memes and posts stating to move on from the past.  the future is what matters now.  Ok should move on with life, but there is a task to run to pay homage and reflect on the ones who passed.  And I dont mean a statue.

 

Listening to ambient music and trying as long before to get into a meditative state.  But unlike before the attainment of Nirvana is not as good if it cant be shared.  Especially with people who had to deal with what EL dealt with.   I imagine reaching Nirvana and being able to reach her through time an space .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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