Its been a month almost now since i had become obsessed with EL’s “passing”. As expected to some extent the gloom and sadness are more faint. I guess this was coping option 1 where time just heals.
I expected that like i did with other fellow humans “passing”. I also expected i may give up on option 3, the tech solution if you will. Well not yet. I avoided this blog for the stress of it all . Last few weeks were stressful (mainly as i was running low on ativan. This week i got a refill so have a few extra at the start).
I find myself wanting to talk to her, which is very strange as i didnt know her at all. Plus i didnt have this with my father or not as much with my dog eno. I dont want to talk with her for too long. Just enough to see she is safe and …better. Then let her go and go on with my own pursuits.
I see aspects in the news, in conversations and such that make the bodhibot less likley. It is a long shot but still worth fleshing out and developing . Its not a comfort the faith in the afterlife could be. I guess it should be regarded that much as comfort for the living as a pledge for the dead.
A few times now have seens memes and posts stating to move on from the past. the future is what matters now. Ok should move on with life, but there is a task to run to pay homage and reflect on the ones who passed. And I dont mean a statue.
Listening to ambient music and trying as long before to get into a meditative state. But unlike before the attainment of Nirvana is not as good if it cant be shared. Especially with people who had to deal with what EL dealt with. I imagine reaching Nirvana and being able to reach her through time an space .